Through the Broken Bits

Photo by Paul Kapischka on Unsplash

I lost my creativity somewhere in the fog of Covid, and I have been struggling to find it. What once flowed so freely no longer flows at all. The tap has been turned off at the source, leaving only a drip here or there, and I am wondering if it will ever come back.

You see, two and a half years ago, as we were thrown into lockdown, the Covid mindset settled into my brain, shook off its coat and dropped it on the floor as it tracked sticky goo across the carpet. It kicked off its shoes and made itself comfortable, sprawling on the couch like a lifeless teenager. It has dropped crumbs daily as it watches the most annoying tv and talks with its mouth full. I have been unable to dislodge it and replace it with something more productive. Like creativity. And I have tried.

As it took up space in my brain, it expanded, taking on air, and filling up as much space as possible. Other issues squeezed in, and pretty soon, there was no space left. One day without notice, something—maybe everything—exploded like a balloon, scattering tiny bits and pieces across the floor like shards of broken glass. The shards have stayed where they landed, which is pretty much everywhere, making navigating the landscape nearly impossible, and I can’t quite get to the broom without walking through the mess. So I am working on uncovering the way through the bits of broken; I’m creating a road map that will push me forward despite a lack of creative energy. Anything to get me going and keep me moving down a path that’s remotely creative as I simultaneously pull myself from the funk of a life gone slightly off-kilter.

Tonight, I am taking a break from the work of readjusting my life to begin anew. I’m making a commitment to write. Daily. Throughout the rest of the summer. Because just like the Covid mindset that settled in for the long haul, habits take time to form, to develop, and to become… well, habits. Little by little, (with any luck) the broken bits will begin to dry up and disappear. And then, little by little, my creativity can sprout, take root, and grow again.

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