Tag: writing

Creating

Published on by PositivelyUnbrokenLeave a comment
Photo by R Khalil on Pexels.com

After a very long hiatus, I decided that I had to get back to writing… try to recapture some teeny bit of creativity. I started writing daily on May 1st, and I’ve written nearly every day since with only a handful of days missed. But creativity has been elusive. My muse went silent a few years back, quelled by the anger and hatred that have risen up to permeate our society. For some people, these forces might inspire creativity, but for me, the effect was the opposite. I couldn’t think through all the noise and endless clatter. Creative thoughts fled, chased away by the arguing and finger pointing and bullying. It seems we have devolved into a culture of meanness and taunting. And a culture such as this does not beget creative thought and expression.

So I started to write, determined to make something worthwhile happen. But rather than creativity, I railed against the chaos. I focused on the anger and its effects on me and on my thought process. In essence, I got nowhere. Until I decided to focus, instead, on creating a plan, and on moving forward into kindness. I dove deep. I examined the behaviors that have kept me stuck. I focused on progress rather than perfection. I took small steps—one at a time. And I saw a way out of the darkness.

Sometimes, the solution is not obvious. We have to move in a different direction. When we run out of ideas, we have to try a different approach, maybe tackle the creative process from a fresh perspective or an untapped starting point. You know how when you garden, sometimes you start with the fruit? You take the fruit, plant it, and you wait. Eventually, it takes root. And you wait. And pretty soon, you have green sprouts, then stems and leaves. They grow all summer, taking in nourishment from the soil and the rain and the sun. And when the plant begins to die or dry out, you dig under the ground to see what has grown. Potatoes. Onions. Garlic. All grown from the end product. And so I am taking the first step from a new point of view and hoping to blaze a bold trail. Maybe it will work and maybe it won’t. I’ve got ideas, and I have to set them free—let some writing energy flow. I’m going to step out of my own way, let go of the reins, and watch what God can do.

A Virtual Coffee Date for the New Year

Published on by PositivelyUnbrokenLeave a comment

If we were having coffee, we would catch up on the year that just was in our lives and fill each other in on our plans for the year to come. Life is never a smooth ride, and 2023 was no exception… at least for me. Life is best when it is a series of highs and lows that push us to grow and expand. The best of life, I’ve learned, is what happens in the in-between times.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that 2023 brought a bit of upheaval to my life. In a move I wasn’t fully expecting, I was reorganized out of an institution where I had worked for 18 years. But if I’m being completely honest, I would tell you I had been looking for a new opportunity for over a year before this news hit. I started looking the day my then-boss threatened me over his mistake twisted to look like mine. In that year plus, I hadn’t fully focused my energies, but this news helped me to realign my goals, do some self-reflection, and put the previous 18 years in perspective. It helped me to better see the reality of my job situation.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that finding a job at the waning end of one’s career can be a challenge. Applications are ignored, resumes are tossed aside unread, and you begin to think there might be nothing out there for you. Older job seekers tend toward invisibility. But the fact is that we still have much to offer. “Mature” workers have valuable experienced and can bring much to the workplace. Employers might take a moment to at least consider their applications and have a conversation with these individuals.

And speaking of invisibility, if we were having coffee, I would tell you that middle-aged women hit a point at which they become invisible. It happens so slowly as we age that we tend not to notice. And suddenly, we walk down the street and no one looks our way. No one turns, no one waves, and no one cares what we are doing. Now, on the one hand, this is a sad state of affairs. It is pretty much a universal experience faced by aging women. But on the other hand, invisibility is a superpower. If no one notices what we are doing, we can do whatever we want. We can dress how we want. We can do things we could never do before. We are free to stretch and become the women we have always wanted to be. Invisibility is most freeing and something to be enjoyed rather than dismissed. Reframe invisibility as the superpower it is.

If we were having coffee, I might tell you that in 2023, I started reading fiction for fun for the first time in decades. I used to read all the time as an escape when I was a young girl, and I’m not saying I haven’t read in decades. But my reading has been for work, for the many and various classes I taught over the years, and to keep myself informed of the latest trends in this or that. But in 2023, I started reading for enjoyment and relaxation again. I set myself a manageable goal of 12 books—one a month—because manageable goals are my forte. I ended up reading 13 fiction books and several nonfiction books. My favorite, hands down, was Lessons in Chemistry by Bonnie Garmus. But there were others that are worth a mention: Flying Solo by Linda Holmes, The Thursday Murder Club by Richard Osman, and How the Light Gets In by Louise Penny. I have already begun 2024’s reading challenge, and my daughter has directed me to join Goodreads. You can find me there—I need reading friends!

If we were having coffee, I would let you know that 2023 brought many lessons. Most importantly, I learned that I am resilient in the face of adversity. Resilience is what got me through. Well, resilience, a little grace, and a lot of prayer. I learned that there will always be obstacles to overcome. And I learned that sometimes, the most challenging experiences bring about the biggest rewards. 2023 was a tough year, but I am better for it. I am opening myself up to the new experiences that will come in 2024. And I am welcoming magic, love, kindness, and amazing experiences. Join me as I step into 2024 with expectations for what might happen but no idea what this year will actually bring.

2024

Published on by PositivelyUnbrokenLeave a comment

As I walk into 2024, I feel like my hair is on fire and I have no plan for how to extinguish the flame. There is no fire extinguisher or water readily available, and the fire has gotten out of control. Clearly, the remnants of 2023 are following me into the new year, which—I suppose—is to be expected, though it’s not exactly welcome news. I was hoping to put the past year far behind me and move cleanly into 2024.

The fire started as a slow burn at some point early in the year. I can’t pinpoint the exact moment in time, but I know it was early. Sparks flickering in the darkness ignited a tiny flame. And the “best-way-to-cook-a-frog” thing became my life. The tiny little flame was warm at first, and I could hold my hands out to warm them. My toes too. But then slowly, the heat started to rise and all hell broke loose.

Now I’m going to say, I typically use writing to help me figure out my life and maintain balance. But in 2023, I wasn’t able to write much. Attempts at writing were derailed by a brain that couldn’t shut out the noise of the world long enough to slip into the silence necessary for creative thought to flow. Reports for work, a focus on health, and an unexpected need to transition to a new position all held the foreground as wars, political bickering, and the world’s intense focus on destruction rather than civil discourse, conversation, and compromise held a constant roar in the background. It was a tough year for creatives and anyone who leans toward sensitivity. And anyone concerned about humanity. I am leaving the year feeling battered and bruised and somewhat worse for wear. I’m concerned about the future and happy to team up with anyone who’s feeling the same. Maybe we can create a support network—to talk, to coach each other, and to cry together if that’s what it takes.

This year, at least initially, my focus will be on calm—calm energy, calm activities, calm people. It will be a good change—call it the calm after the storm. I need to tap into the calm that allows for creativity and writing and thinking and growth. I need to focus on both inner and outer peace. I have a plan in place to start me out in the right direction, though we all know how plans go. Sometimes smoothly, most often awry. But it’s a start.

And so, I’ll work on finally putting out last year’s fire so I can move forward. I’ll build the structure necessary to keep writing and to stay on track. Hopefully this year, I won’t be derailed.

Beads on a String

Published on by PositivelyUnbrokenLeave a comment

Years ago, I was part of a writing group in which we often talked about our inner critic. You know the one I am talking about. My inner critic sits on my shoulder and tells me all the things I am doing wrong. She says things like, “You’re not going to write that, are you?”

I can’t shake her.

I could go out and run three miles or hike a mountain, and when I come back into the house and sit down to write, there she is. Still sitting on my shoulder. Still letting me know my ideas are not good enough. My handwriting isn’t neat enough. My typing isn’t fast enough. The list of criticisms is never ending.

I swipe at my shoulder, trying to brush her off. “Go away!” I grunt, batting at her as if she is an annoying and persistent mosquito.

“Your pen is running out of ink,” she taunts. “It’s a sign. Stop writing. You’re no good anyway.”

I take a deep, slow breath in, gritting my teeth as I gather strength to deal with her. Unlike an annoying bug or persistent distraction, this is my inner critic. She is a part of me, the result of too many years of disappointments and all the voices that told me I wasn’t good enough, from school-yard bullies to power-seeking bosses to abusive partners.

Logically, I can piece together all of the experiences that gave her strength. And as I quickly run through each of these negative people and events, I visualize them as beads on a string, misshapen, dull, and discolored. One by one, I pluck them from the string and flick them to the floor. They ping, bounce once or twice, and scatter to the far reaches of the room, disappearing in dark corners and under seldom-moved appliances.

With a now bare and empty string, I can re-string it with ideas, positive thoughts, and encouragement. These beads are perfect in their varied shapes. Their colors are complementary and offer hope for an uncertain future. Together, they create a beauty that is striking.

The more I am able to diminish my inner critic and soften her criticism, the more beauty I can add to this growing strand of beads.

We all have our own inner critic, and mine is not limited to writing. She is always with me, trying to pull me off track. The metaphor of beads on a string allows me to be selective about the messages I keep. By plucking negative thoughts from the string and casting them away, I can replace them with positive ones. I can refocus away from my inner critic’s constant commentary and work on creating beauty—in writing and in life. My ideas flow more freely, and I am able to play in imagination, unencumbered.

Waiting

Published on by PositivelyUnbroken1 Comment

2020 Lesson Number One: Waiting is an important part of life.

Over the years, our culture has evolved into a society that rejects waiting as undesirable and something to be avoided.  We have found ways to remove the need to wait from our lives. We are able to find out the gender of an unborn child so we don’t have to wait nine long months and wonder about the child we will meet. When we have an idea we want to explore or research we want to do, we have a wealth of information at our fingertips—no more waiting for the library to open and then waiting to obtain a physical copy of a book or magazine that might have to come from another town or state. Nope… information is now available (from the comfort of your couch) at any time of the day or night. Need something that you don’t have in your house? Place an order, and if you are willing to pay a little extra, you can have the item by tomorrow. Not feeling well? No need to wait to see the doctor. Just take to the internet and diagnose yourself! That way, you can decide if you really need to bother the doctor, and when you finally get an appointment, you can tell the doctor what is wrong with you. (Note: I do not support self-diagnosis via the internet and nether do most doctors).

When all is said and done, we don’t get used to waiting anymore. We expect instant gratification. We have forgotten that there are things we cannot control, regardless of the time that passes. We have lost the benefits of waiting—of delaying gratification and anticipating what will come… in time. And most importantly, we have forgotten the art of using waiting time to benefit our lives and ourselves.

This year, we had to wait, and we had to figure out how to deal with long stretches of time spent waiting. On March 13, when so many of us were told to go home and stay there for two weeks, we thought it would be just that—two weeks. But two weeks stretched to a month, then two, and before we knew it, we had been at home for four months. Or six months. Or more.

People took up new hobbies. They worked on developing cooking and baking skills. They learned to knit. They took up yoga and meditation. They made home improvements and became master gardeners. People began taking walks in nature, playing outside with their children, and connecting with family members. People connected with each other as they reflected on what was to come and how our society—and their lives—might be different on the other side of COVID.

Waiting is not a waste of time, as society has programmed us to believe. Waiting is one of those in-between-spaces where we think nothing is happening. And yet, waiting is a valid and valued part of life. Waiting is where the pieces of life come together. Waiting—and working through problems and ideas in our heads and lives—is where meaning is found.

This year, we learned to wait, and hopefully this new skill will help us to create a more meaningful life when we finally settle into our new normal.

Blooming – 2020 style

Published on by PositivelyUnbrokenLeave a comment

My Christmas cactus is having a difficult time this year. It has always been a late bloomer, but this year, it is really struggling. It has been pushing out teeny little buds that show great promise. Like many things this past year, these buds give me a brief hint of excitement and hope. But after a few days, they wither up and fall off. This cactus… it’s not even close to blooming, and I am wondering if it will bloom at all this year.

Truth be told, I have been having trouble blooming this year, as well. This year has been tough, and some days I feel like I just don’t have it in me to be my best. Some days I lack the patience necessary to think about tomorrow. The days blend together, and Monday becomes Tuesday and blends with WednesdayThursdayFriday until the weekend, and then the week starts over again. On and on and on it goes.

It’s been a tough year, but it has also been an important year. In its break from reality, its focus on silence, its fear of crowded spaces, this year has given us some much-needed room for reflection. I tried hard to take advantage of what this year offered, so I might be in a better space going forward. I refrained from railing against authority and complaining about not living life as “normal.” I embarked on a lengthy journey to reconnect with my self—the essential core of who I really am.

I’m not going to lie. This year was filled with tough lessons that weren’t fun but were very much necessary. It took a great deal of patience and tenacity to sit through these long months, especially when we began to see hints of how far we have strayed from where we need to be. Our goals and our focus have drifted away from being good people to amassing as many possessions and as much power as we can, no matter the cost. We have grown to focus not on who we are as people, but on what and how much we have. I have to believe this is not why we are here.

So I took this year as a correction. I am taking its lessons, and I am coming back to center. I am re-grounding and rediscovering myself and my mission for my life. The lessons I learned emerged—as many do—from loss, boredom, anxiety, and resolve. They came in the form of traits such as patience, resilience, tenacity, discipline, and a habit of self-reflection. They involve listening to myself in order to continuously rediscover and recreate who I am. And they involve looking carefully and paying attention to the little things so I will know better how to fill the spaces where need is great.

Stay with me for a few days. I’m going to take you on a journey through this past year and share with you some of the lessons that I have learned—lessons that I will take with me as I venture into 2021.

Humor, Hope, and Haircuts

Published on by PositivelyUnbroken4 Comments

My heart is heavy today. I have heard from several students who are in healthcare situations working with COVID patients. These are young adults facing the unthinkable—dire situations that career-long doctors and nurses have never before experienced. I am afraid for them. My heart is breaking for them.

My heart is also breaking for all the people who have tested positive for the virus or who are suffering with it. This morning, I received word that the wife of one of my students has contracted the virus through her daily routine as a medical worker. She is in isolation in a room in their house while he has moved to the basement with their two little girls to keep them safe. I have offered a hand in the form of front door grocery drop-off. It’s all I have to give.

After a month of social distancing, there are hints of hope in discussions about returning to normal. That is one moment of the day. The next moment is heartache in knowing that we are not there yet. In fact, we may be a long way off from “there.” We are HERE, and for now, here has to be enough. Here and hope. Because without hope, what do we have?

HERE, we get through every day with humor. Hope and humor go hand in hand. Jokes and one-liners and pranks. Everyday, there is something to keep me on my toes. We laugh our way through the long, lonely days of house arrest. Because without humor, we would have a boring, socially distanced monotony for a month or two or ten.

And every now and then, something comes up to shake up the routine. Today, I gave my son a haircut. I used to give my boys haircuts back in the early days of single motherhood to save a few dollars. When he started complaining about his hair last week, I checked the bottom drawer of the bathroom vanity, and sure enough, we still had our hair clipper. Today, I gathered all the necessary tools, and I cut his hair. Is it even? Most likely not. Is it shorter? You bet! Will he need another haircut next week? Absolutely. I didn’t want to risk cutting too much off. As I told him, you can always cut more off, but you can’t glue it back on.

For today, something as minor as a haircut improved our mood, gave us hope, and eased the heartache for just a moment. Tomorrow is a new day—a new day for jokes and humor. And a new day for hope. We are HERE, and hope will prevail.

{Photo by Marcelo Silva on Unsplash}

Goodness as a Gift

Published on by PositivelyUnbrokenLeave a comment

This morning, as the sun came up bright on the new day, I realized that even in these trying times—through any trials we face—goodness is all around us. Right now, despite the difficulties we are facing in our global society, goodness shines through like a gift just waiting to be discovered. Just outside my window, flowers are blooming in my garden, and the plants my kids and I put in at the end of last season are beginning to poke through the dirt, reminding me of the weekend we spent cleaning up the garden.

Today was a quiet Easter day. We could not go to church. We could not have people over to share in some rowdy dinner conversation. Regardless, the weather was gorgeous. I ventured out for a walk with only a sweater rather than the jacket I have been wearing until now. Several small children, out on walks in the neighborhood with their families, stopped in front of my house to look for my cat and play with him. My cat has been dubbed a “neighborhood celebrity” because he is overly friendly and just confident enough to appear more human than feline in his interactions with passersby.

Out further in the world, where I prefer not to venture these days, our essential workers are fighting the battles we cannot fight. They are stocking the ever-emptying food shelves while sanitizing between customers, hauling our garbage away and cleaning even at the town dump, filling prescriptions for medications to keep people healthy, caring for the sick, and comforting the dying. They are tending to the emotional needs of those who are struggling in this strange new world, and they are keeping our utilities up and running. Our teachers have not only transitioned their entire jobs online, but they are digging deep to make it look easy so they can smooth the same transition for their entire student population.

The goodness is always there—not just now, but always. If we take the time to look for the it and recognize its presence in our lives as a gift, the goodness will grow. Our attitudes will shift. We will more readily see the goodness, have a positive attitude, and be the goodness for someone else. We will begin to influence others, and soon, goodness will displace negativity. We will begin to see that we all want the same things, and we will begin to work together for the good of us all. Positivity begets positivity. Take the time to look for the goodness and highlight the goodness because goodness will grow. And once it starts, there’s no telling what could happen.

See the goodness. Be the goodness. You are a gift.

{Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash}

Fun with F words

Published on by PositivelyUnbrokenLeave a comment

Today is F day in my alphabet rotation. I am a few letters behind, but I’m forcing myself to keep going rather than falter in my quest to finish the AtoZ challenge, especially so fresh out of the gate. It is a few days from Friday, and far back in our former times, my friend (in fact, my BFF), had formulated plans to visit for Easter. Her flight was to arrive today. But her plans were foiled, and she is far away, while I remain frozen to my flat. We have resolved to plan a fun fiesta sometime when the future permits.

In the meantime, one could easily fixate on frustration in times like these. But I pledge to remain a force to be reckoned with, finding no functionality in the stress of fizzled plans. Positivity is far more fitting to my personality.

So this afternoon, I wandered out for some fresh air. The flowers are finally poking their flashy colors through the faded not-quite-green that follows winter. Forsythia have burst their sunny yellow blossoms for all the world to see. And the fabulous sapphire sky above me was furrowed with puffy clouds, the perfect end to an invigorating stroll.

I hope you’ve enjoyed the Fs I’ve furnished in following through on my quest to float through the full alphabet by the end of April.

Dots… and Everything Else

Published on by PositivelyUnbrokenLeave a comment

Life is a process of connecting the dots. When we are young, our lives are full of dots that have little connection. We live life one day at a time with few plans. We play with this friend, that toy, and we work to discover our talents. As children, we live moment to moment, figuring things out as we go.

When we grow, we take all the things we have experimented with in our “play” and in our growing up, and we examine them, figure out which things we want to keep, and which things we really don’t enjoy or prefer not to pursue.

Now, here’s where the tricky part comes. In order to connect the dots and begin to fashion a life that has meaning and purpose, we have to determine how our “dots” fit into the bigger context of the world around us. We have to figure out what we bring to the world, and how that talent or  interest meets a need that the world has. That is where meaning, purpose, and passion come together.

One of the things I do in the real world is ask college freshmen to begin connecting their dots. What did you LOVE to do when you were nine or ten? What is something from your childhood you wish you hadn’t given up when you transitioned to adulthood? What are you doing when you are most likely to lose track of time? If you were asked to work alone in isolation every day, would you be able to do it, or do you need to be with people?

That was the dot that got me back when I was graduating from college. I had planned a desk job for my life, working in a cubicle in an office building. But a teaching internship slammed on the brakes, showing me I was on the wrong path. I had forgotten to consider the dot that needed dynamic, face-to-face interaction with people. [Now, of course, here I am in Corona Isolation, craving dynamic, face-to-face interaction, but this is a temporary story.]

If you haven’t yet taken the time to examine your dots and figure out how they connect, now is a perfect time to start thinking about that. Are you doing what you love? Are you fulfilling a need in the world? Are you happy? And more than that, do you experience regular moments of joy?

Not only is now a great time to begin to connect any dots you haven’t yet connected, it is also a good time to begin to examine Everything Else. What is it that makes you fully you? Are you in the best job for you? Do you have enough time for family? Is there something else you need to be doing? How can you put steps in place to get where you belong?

Here in this down time, take a moment or two to examine the Everything Else that makes up your life; if you are not on the right track, create a plan to get back on track.

This time—this quiet time when we have opportunity for greater reflection and focus, when we can look deeply inside ourselves and see who we really are and what we really want for our lives—this is a gift.  Don’t let it slip away without at least taking some time to think. Your dots deserve to be connected, and you are the only one who can do that.

{Photo by Michael Dziedzic on Unsplash}