Author: PositivelyUnbroken

I have been working through the many revisions of my life as new life challenges are thrown into the mix and others are removed. One of the things we can always count on is change; the challenge is to figure out how to embrace it and use it to make us better and help us grow! I am a writer, editor, teacher, and artisan ever trying to find a way to maintain balance. I live deep in the Northeast, where I don’t always appreciate that there are four distinct seasons with many “mini-seasons” thrown in for variety. I would much prefer perpetual spring.

Forever

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Photo by Isaac Wendland on Unsplash

The other day, I caught a glimpse of forever. It’s really not that far, you know—forever. It comes up much quicker than we think. And all of a sudden, we are standing on the edge, looking out over all that has been, all that will be, and all that is.

All that has been. This is your past—a past you cannot change. The mistakes you’ve made, the lessons you’ve learned, the successes you’ve experienced, and the milestones you’ve reached. This past has laid the foundation of your life and has contributed to the programming that has made you who you are. It has created in you the beliefs and the ideas with which you now face the world. Bear in mind that many of those beliefs started in you when you were very young. When you didn’t know any different. They were instilled by well-meaning adults who had their own views of the world tainted by their own outdated beliefs, skewed world views, and faulty programming.

But as you look out across forever, it is tempting to focus on all that will be. The possibilities… they are compelling and exciting. You could create a whole new career, find a new partner, get a new job, buy a new home, come into some money. But there is also the other side of all that will be—the possibility that your plans might not pan out the way you’d like. Or some misfortune may befall you, or you will get stuck in a rut from which you cannot escape. There are always negative forces that counter the good and lend perspective. And life is always about how we respond and how we summon the strength within us to push forward, to measure our steps, and to created positivity and joy. If you don’t have a capacity for creating positive, all that will be—the future—may be a hard pill to swallow.

Which leads us to all that is. This, my friends, is where life happens. This is where we must stop and focus our energies. Because all that is is where we can work on redefining our limiting beliefs. This is where we can reprogram our self-talk. This is where we can set ourselves up for all that will be. All that is… where we develop our talents, our strengths, and our commitment to ourselves. This is where we adjust so we ca become the best version of ourselves.

So as you catch your glimpse of forever, remember that all of your focus and energy should be on all that is. Working solely in this sector of forever—the present—will help you to overcome all that has been and prepare yourself for all that will be.

Leap

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I am standing on the edge of a cliff looking out into the unknown. All that I have worked for lies in this one step, the metaphorical leap. But it’s midnight darkness. The tiny sliver of a moon sheds barely enough light to cast a fuzzy outline on the tops of what lies below, allowing hints of where this leap may lead. The reality relies on imagination, and mine has always been overactive, conjuring up the worst-case, the monsters, and the horrors that go beyond where any leap will lead.

I inch closer to the edge, feeling the ground with my feet until I am right up against the void, teetering between what is and what could be. I take a deep breath, and as I do, I hear footsteps approaching—a runner on the path I have trod to get to this spot. But running at midnight?

Somehow, the individual spots me in the darkness and stops, stepping off the path to walk up behind me. It is Adventure—I would know her anywhere. Her hair is tousled from her late-night jog, and her face is flushed. She leans in. “You should jump!” she states boldly.

Despite the steep climb up the mountain, her breathing is normal, almost relaxed. She is grinning widely, as Adventure always does. There is nothing taunting in her tone. She is simply giving advice. Urging adventure. I smile and nod. “Not quite ready,” I tell her. “It’s dark and I can’t see what’s down there.

“Oh…,” she tilts her head knowingly as she nods slightly. “You are definitely ready.” I’m not going to confront her. She knows me better than most. She has observed me since I was a child. “You already know what’s out there. And you’ve prepared for nearly every scenario you’ll encounter. Just do it.”

I look out into the void where I can hear the faint rumble of a tiny train slipping like a string of beads along thread-like wires. So. Far. Down. “But what about the things I haven’t prepared for?” I ask. And down the path, I see someone with a headlamp coming toward us, a flashlight in each hand and a glow-stick around her neck. Doubt.

Adventure turns and takes off at a sprint in Doubt’s direction. “Not NOW!!” she yells as she runs. “We got her this far, now we need to let her go. She’s ready!”

Doubt stops dead in her tracks. She looks tired, weighed down by the heaviness of the world. She looks in my direction, her headlamp briefly blinding. She looks at Adventure, and she sighs deeply, turning back down the path. She steps into the woods and crouches behind a bush where she can watch from a safe distance. “I’ll be right here if you need me!” she calls out to me, her energy sounding a bit like that of Eeyore.

And just like that, Adventure is right by my side again, and I have a momentary fear she might push me. But she doesn’t. She sidles up next to me until her shoulder is against mine. “You should go,” she whispers urgently. “Before the others come up the hill to stop you.”

I know she’s right. That whole crowd of nay-sayers, negativity, and self-defeat are always waiting in the wings to barge onto my stage, throw up roadblocks, and stall my progress. I came up here to get away from them, and I am beyond relieved that Adventure was the one to find me first. Otherwise, I’d be halfway home by now, back to my friends, Safety and Status Quo. Adventure is right. I’ve played out so many scenarios of how this will go. I have bolted my safety net in place, just in case. And I have my entire network available if I should need them.

It’s now or never.

I close my eyes, take a deep breath, and I leap out into the unknown. At first, I tumble, but then something magical happens. I am lifted on a sudden whoosh of air that nearly takes my breath, and I start to soar. Behind me, I can hear Adventure clapping and whooping wildly, cheering the choice I’ve made.

Take a Step…

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Today, I want to play a game of What if…. This is a game that we don’t often play, especially in our increasingly social-media-obsessed world. We spend our time viewing the lives and “successes” of others rather than thinking about our own. As long as our day-to-day life is going smoothly, we prefer not to consider what might be if only we took the first step, chipped away at our goals a little at a time, or simply started.

I say “game” because thinking about What if… can be fun. It’s easy and risk-free. You get to try on possibilities from the comfort of your own living room. What was it that you once dreamed you might do? Have you ever really thought about it? Is there any way to move yourself closer? Do you even want to?

So we’re going to start with this one: What if… you were living the life you’ve always dreamed of? What would that look like?

Of course, there is the chance you already are living the life of your dreams. But I know that somewhere along the way, many people give up and settle for something less than their dreams—something closer to their current reality. Whatever obstacles they come up against keep them from moving forward. What if… you hadn’t given up? Where might you be now?

What if… you took a moment to examine what’s been holding you back? Knowing what’s standing in your way can only help you remove barriers or adjust your approach to move beyond them. For me, it’s my tendency toward introversion. I need quiet and solitude to process information my brain is taking in, the path my life is going, and even things that happen on a given day. My processing looks different from what’s considered the “norm” in our busy, extroverted society. But knowing that I need this alone-time is my superpower. When I am overwhelmed, I can step aside, recharge, and move forward with greater power and a greater sense of direction. I don’t need to be around people who fight against my introversion, and therefore, against me. Life is too short for that.

Once you figure out what’s holding you back, what if… you take a step toward your goal, toward something you’ve always wanted to do? I’m not suggesting you jump all in. Rather, simply take one small step. Because one thing I’ve learned is that with the right support, one step leads to another, and another, and pretty soon, your life has changed in significant ways. One step at a time. If you took a step toward your goal, toward what you want in life, what would that step look like?

Life is short, and it passes in the blink of an eye. No matter where you are in your life—young adult, mid-life, or later life—you can make a change. You can take a step. And step by step, you can transform your life and live closer to your dreams. Anything is possible if you just take the first step.

Creating

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Photo by R Khalil on Pexels.com

After a very long hiatus, I decided that I had to get back to writing… try to recapture some teeny bit of creativity. I started writing daily on May 1st, and I’ve written nearly every day since with only a handful of days missed. But creativity has been elusive. My muse went silent a few years back, quelled by the anger and hatred that have risen up to permeate our society. For some people, these forces might inspire creativity, but for me, the effect was the opposite. I couldn’t think through all the noise and endless clatter. Creative thoughts fled, chased away by the arguing and finger pointing and bullying. It seems we have devolved into a culture of meanness and taunting. And a culture such as this does not beget creative thought and expression.

So I started to write, determined to make something worthwhile happen. But rather than creativity, I railed against the chaos. I focused on the anger and its effects on me and on my thought process. In essence, I got nowhere. Until I decided to focus, instead, on creating a plan, and on moving forward into kindness. I dove deep. I examined the behaviors that have kept me stuck. I focused on progress rather than perfection. I took small steps—one at a time. And I saw a way out of the darkness.

Sometimes, the solution is not obvious. We have to move in a different direction. When we run out of ideas, we have to try a different approach, maybe tackle the creative process from a fresh perspective or an untapped starting point. You know how when you garden, sometimes you start with the fruit? You take the fruit, plant it, and you wait. Eventually, it takes root. And you wait. And pretty soon, you have green sprouts, then stems and leaves. They grow all summer, taking in nourishment from the soil and the rain and the sun. And when the plant begins to die or dry out, you dig under the ground to see what has grown. Potatoes. Onions. Garlic. All grown from the end product. And so I am taking the first step from a new point of view and hoping to blaze a bold trail. Maybe it will work and maybe it won’t. I’ve got ideas, and I have to set them free—let some writing energy flow. I’m going to step out of my own way, let go of the reins, and watch what God can do.

Sometimes, we forget…

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Sometimes, we forget to have patience.

We forget to have patience with our children. They are young and slow and unable to perform simple tasks. Maybe we need to get somewhere on time, and—as is typical of children—they are not in a hurry. Or perhaps they are not yet adept at the task at hand. Ever watch a young child tie a shoe? It can take f-o-r-e-v-e-r! We grow impatient, and we rush them, yell, or yank them out the door. Or maybe we are trying to teach them something or help with homework. They are not getting it, and we grow frustrated. We give up and let them struggle on their own, perhaps crying as they do so. Children are young and inexperienced with the ways of the world. With what they are learning… so many things And they need parents and caregivers to be patient so they can learn, feel nurtured, and grow their independence and confidence.

Sometimes, we forget to have patience with our coworkers, friends, and family members. Perhaps we asked someone to do something and they didn’t do it. We might have even reminded them. Or maybe they did it, but they didn’t do it the way we wanted them to. So we grow frustrated. We might know someone who has different views than we have. Rather than ask them about their views and the ideas and experiences they have had that have led them to their conclusions, we lash out, call them names, and “school” them in why they are wrong. We don’t engage and we definitely don’t compromise. We are right and they are wrong, and we don’t have the time to mess around in finding some mushy middle ground.

Sometimes, we forget to have patience with strangers. Someone cuts us off when we are driving, and we immediately honk our horn, flip the driver the bird, or get right on his bumper to teach him a lesson. If someone is too slow in the grocery line, even if it is the fault of the cashier or the manager, we stand in line and shift our weight, roll our eyes, and sigh or groan loudly.  When our restaurant order doesn’t come out fast enough, or the server forgets something, we are not nice. And if someone cold calls our phone with a promotional offer from a service we already use—or don’t—we hang up on them rather than politely declining.

Sometimes, we forget to have patience with ourselves. We think we should know something, but we have forgotten. We put something in that ever-elusive “safe place,” and now we can’t find it. We are taking too long to find something on the Internet or it takes us too long to get ready to leave the house. We forgot to do something. We forgot to call the doctor to make an appointment or write down which spice it was that we ran out of last Tuesday when we were cooking dinner. We grit our teeth and think we should know better.

Impatience is all around us. Sometimes, we forget that people make mistakes, that people have feelings, and that every situation offers us an opportunity to decide how to respond. We can be patient, or we can be impatient. The problem is, by being impatient, we miss out on an opportunity to connect with another person—family, friend, or stranger. Patience requires connection. It requires understanding. And it requires us to experience life in the present moment.

So be present. Make the connection. Have patience. It may take a little extra time, but it will be worth it.

Before the World Got Warm

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Back before the world got warm, someone made up this idea that robins return from migration in the spring, and their return is a sure sign that winter is over. As the harsh winter thawed into the muds of March, we would anxiously await our first robin sighting. This, we knew, meant spring had finally beat out winter and the weather would finally warm up. If the snow fell once the robins returned, we would find foods these picky little worm-eaters would eat—raisins, raw ground beef (um…?), cooked spaghetti—and we would toss it outside in hopes the robins would eat it. They seldom did because really… cooked spaghetti??

Back before the world got warm, the snow would begin to fall in December—occasionally even November—and stay on the ground, piling up to amazing heights (we were little, so our perspective was different) until February or March or April. There would be no sign of bare ground for all those months, and the ongoing snow cover would help to keep the insect population down. The snow would bury all of our shortcuts across fields and around the neighborhood houses, making our paths impassable. We would be forced to add extra time to our journey to travel the long way ‘round on plowed sidewalks lest we lose a boot in the deep snow.

Back before the world got warm, winters were cold and sharp and jagged. The snowflakes would pummel our faces with their sharp edges and pointy lines. The ice and snow would crunch under our feet everywhere we walked. Lakes and ponds would freeze over, sealing all of the fish and frogs and turtles deep inside. Perhaps that would be claustrophobic for the fish—a smaller pond with no access to the open air. I saw a picture on social media the other day of someone skating on a ice that was obviously too thin. Thankfully, they were in a shallow spot, and hopefully they stayed there. But back before the world got warm, the ice on ponds and lakes was most definitely thick enough to skate by the end of January.

Back before the world got warm, it would snow regularly, but we seldom had hugely hyped “snowstorms.” And when we did, they usually lasted long enough and dumped enough snow that school would be cancelled for two days. Back then, snowstorms were not named like tropical storms and hurricanes, as if they were something to be feared. When it snowed several inches at a time, it wasn’t something big—it simply was. Nowadays, “snowstorms” come frequently, dropping 3, 4, 5 inches of snow; the warm world feels somewhat wimpy in its overly dramatic approach to snow.  

It’s the end of January, and on this morning’s walk, I passed a flock of robins feasting on the rotting berries of a crabapple tree. It is not spring. Nor is spring even close. But now that the world is warm, the birds don’t migrate. This weekend, a heron stood in our not completely frozen pond, fishing for his dinner. Somedays, I long for the world before it got warm—the snow cover that keeps the tick population down; the frozen ground, hard like pavement with each step; the spring grass, so bright it hurts your eyes after a winter of no sun.

Sometimes, I think I might have dreamt the world before it got warm. Maybe we had robins all winter then, but we weren’t really looking. Maybe the ice didn’t freeze as completely as I remember—at least not every single winter. Maybe time has warped my memories and the winters are not much different than they were back before the world got warm.

Moments

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Photo by Joshua J. Cotten on Unsplash

I have been moving along this road I am on. Day by day. Hour by hour. Moment by moment. I seem to respond to the moments most deeply because they tend to surprise me the most. For example, the moment, a week or so ago, that I noticed the great blue heron standing in the shallow water flowing from the stream into our pond.

The heron always catches me by surprise. You might think that after living here for 20 years, I would expect to see him. But I never do. Often, he is camouflaged in the reeds and grasses, his stick-like legs resembling the straight tan stems of the cattails. His body is the color of dull water reflecting the overcast winter. I’ll be walking along the path by the pond, minding my own business, and suddenly, he appears in my periphery. And I turn to look, surprised that I hadn’t noticed him sooner. Sometimes, I slow my pace or even stop altogether. And when I stop, he sometimes flies, annoyed by my insistence that I see him—even stop to take a picture like a gawking tourist—rather than pass by unobtrusively.

Sometimes, his shape rises out of the evening dusk as he stands in wait for a tasty dinner. One time, it was so dark that I only felt his presence. And when I shone my flashlight into the darkness, it illuminated his angles and lines, once again startling me, and I quickly flipped the light to the footpath before I disturbed him. I’m sure it was too late, that disturbance is, in his mind, my middle name.

But last week, when I noticed him standing in the frigid, half-frozen waters of winter, I was stunned. Last week, moments before the temperatures dipped below frigid. Last week, after snowstorms had blanketed the region with inches of snow. Mid-January, it would seem, would be well past time to fly a bit further south than New Hampshire. To someplace where the tendrils of ice and frost have a more delicate grasp. And yet, here he was, crouched close to the water. Pulled in and fluffed up against the cold.

The moments. Brief encounters with the world that cause me to pause and reflect and wonder. The moments push me to ask questions—Do herons migrate? And they spur me to notice the wonders of the world around me. The moments bring me back from my thoughts, my stresses, my worries, and my plans and they ground me firmly in the present. The here and now.

As you walk your own path down the road day by day, hour by hour, don’t let the moments pass you by.

This Is It

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So often we sit around waiting for life to happen—to us, through us, around us. We wait. We expect life to come. A new perfect job will come along. Fate will lead us to our destiny, whatever that means. Opportunities or people will cross our path. And so, we wait.

But this is all very passive. This is about all the things that will happen to us while we sit around doing nothing. Waiting for life.

This is not the way life is supposed to work. As we wait, we are not taking advantage of all that life has to offer. In fact, we are likely blindly scrolling the internet or binge-watching some mind-numbing show on one streaming service or another. If we look around us at any given moment, our life doesn’t look like what we are expecting life to look like. Therefore, the here-and-now, the this-is-it doesn’t get our full attention. We stay on the couch, bored and restless.

And yet, this is what is—the present moment. This is the best we’ve got right now. And it just may be that this is it. So… I have decided to approach 2024 with a This Is It attitude. Since this is what I’ve got right here and right now, there is no sense in waiting for what might come. I mean let’s face it… we all have a plan for what we will do if we win the lottery. But you’ve got to play to win, and I don’t play, so there’s that.

A life without lottery winnings is pretty much what I’ve got. This Is It. I have the moments and the opportunities that present themselves. That, a little bit of luck, and a positive attitude. I’m pretty sure I can fly with that. And so, I will examine the moments and the opportunities that present themselves. I will dig deep into the here and now and the challenges I must overcome. And I will recognize that if I seize the moment—and I do it well—I could be facing a completely different reality as this year comes to a close, from This Is It to This Is Amazing!

If you were to take your This Is It and run with it, how would you move forward?

Grace

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This week was a challenging one for me. I am in that weird in-between time in my new job where I feel like I should know everything by now, and yet, I seem to know nothing. Well, not nothing really, but nearly nothing. It has been many years since I’ve started a new job. I worked in the same field with the same overall expectations for my entire career. And I was in the same institution for nearly the past two decades.

I’ve been in my new job in three months. Only three months… one of which included the end-of-year slow period when all the people I was trying to reach were too holidayed out to pay attention to what was going on at work.

And yet, I expect perfection. Of myself. I expect that I will be at full capacity and up to par with my colleagues. Or I am disappointed in myself.

So this week, amidst curve balls and strike-outs, canceled plans and overall impatience, I have decided to give myself some grace. I know that I am learning. I know that learning takes time. And I know that I’ll get there. I am working on the foundation, and if the foundation is solid, I can build from there.

The truth is, I would never expect anyone I work with, anyone I hired, or anyone I managed to be perfect at their job in three months. To know everything in three months. That would be a ridiculous expectation. But here we are…. Me with my impossible expectations of myself.

Examining how I would treat others is how I know I deserve grace. This is how I know I should be patient. This is how I know I should watch my self-talk. If I wouldn’t put this much pressure on someone else, I shouldn’t do it to myself.

Because I am learning. And learning is a process. I will reflect on my tasks and edit and adjust and try again. I will be willing to take risks and go out on a limb and try a different approach. I will recognize that building—or rebuilding—a program takes time and persistence. It requires forging relationships and tapping into resources. These three months have been a great beginning—but they are just that: the beginning.

Next week, and the week after that, I will give myself grace. And maybe with time, grace will become my normal.

Blame

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The other day, as we were getting ready to sit down to dinner, my son found “blame” on the floor. Apparently, someone (or something) had found it necessary to place blame on the floor after our recent game of Ransom Notes. Now, if you haven’t played Ransom Notes, it is a fun and creative game in which you use word magnets to respond to the prompt cards. Typically, the sentences are not full sentences, and grammar isn’t a thing. The best response of each round wins.

Luckily, I hadn’t vacuumed since we played, or blame would have been misplaced. Permanently. And no one would have been the wiser.

But back to blame…. In truth, placing blame on the floor seems a bit unfair. To the floor, at least. How can a floor be to blame? It couldn’t have acted alone. But come to think of it, the floor might have been in cahoots with gravity in which case I might have to adjust my thinking. Perhaps the floor should shoulder some blame after all.

Then again, gravity might have had a hand in placing blame on the floor to begin with. In that case, gravity is likely the more guilty party. The mystery remains, however, what exactly is the act for which blame is being placed? All of these questions simply because we found “blame” on the floor.