This week was a challenging one for me. I am in that weird in-between time in my new job where I feel like I should know everything by now, and yet, I seem to know nothing. Well, not nothing really, but nearly nothing. It has been many years since I’ve started a new job. I worked in the same field with the same overall expectations for my entire career. And I was in the same institution for nearly the past two decades.

I’ve been in my new job in three months. Only three months… one of which included the end-of-year slow period when all the people I was trying to reach were too holidayed out to pay attention to what was going on at work.

And yet, I expect perfection. Of myself. I expect that I will be at full capacity and up to par with my colleagues. Or I am disappointed in myself.

So this week, amidst curve balls and strike-outs, canceled plans and overall impatience, I have decided to give myself some grace. I know that I am learning. I know that learning takes time. And I know that I’ll get there. I am working on the foundation, and if the foundation is solid, I can build from there.

The truth is, I would never expect anyone I work with, anyone I hired, or anyone I managed to be perfect at their job in three months. To know everything in three months. That would be a ridiculous expectation. But here we are…. Me with my impossible expectations of myself.

Examining how I would treat others is how I know I deserve grace. This is how I know I should be patient. This is how I know I should watch my self-talk. If I wouldn’t put this much pressure on someone else, I shouldn’t do it to myself.

Because I am learning. And learning is a process. I will reflect on my tasks and edit and adjust and try again. I will be willing to take risks and go out on a limb and try a different approach. I will recognize that building—or rebuilding—a program takes time and persistence. It requires forging relationships and tapping into resources. These three months have been a great beginning—but they are just that: the beginning.

Next week, and the week after that, I will give myself grace. And maybe with time, grace will become my normal.